he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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