Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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