where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
