we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
