Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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