i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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