Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
