dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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