Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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