is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
