he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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