i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
