i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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