Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
