too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
