do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
