Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
