I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
