My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
