I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
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