guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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