I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
