I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
