i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
