There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
