i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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