i need an iv and a liver transplant
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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