The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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