remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
