Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
