I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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