I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
being pregnant is like rehab
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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