I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Randomize
