I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
