The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
