I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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