yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
