i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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