I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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