Your mouth is God's brothel.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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