Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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