I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
