Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
