so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No I am not eating basil off your cock
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
