Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
These tits shall not be calmed
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
