Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
BRING THE BAGELS
I have already put on my inside pants.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
