I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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