she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
