She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
