Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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