I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
